man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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