im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
