He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
