a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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