this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
