Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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