You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Found the puke drawer
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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