I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
last night I used snow as a chaser
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
