oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
