Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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