Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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