i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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