There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
