sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize