the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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