Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
