Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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