Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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