Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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