My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
pray to the hookup gods
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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