My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
