I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
