This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
