Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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