The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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