I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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