Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize