why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
