I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
