I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
