Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
