I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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