Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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