Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
