Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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