:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
