I think my fart just growled at me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize