direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
