nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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