i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
