she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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