i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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