his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
