White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
