so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
