So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
