We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You are a genius and a whore.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
