I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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