So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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