Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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