I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
