is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
