i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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