tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize