he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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