you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Terrible idea I love it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
