he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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