just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
