Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize