I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
