Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
