She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
