worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know her cup size but not her name....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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