I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
