I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
