I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
