All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think my vagina is haunted
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
