did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize