Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
