erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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