sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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