i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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