ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's the barista slut.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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