How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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