If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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