Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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