so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
