he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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