i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
