blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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