"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
