At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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