I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize