he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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