I just threw up on my dentist
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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