I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
