laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
