her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My vagina just recognized that song.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
