the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
