It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
