I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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