You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
