Your tits are I can't wait for
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
