He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
