She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
